Luffy's Birds and Bees
by Frodo Potter
Summary: My roommate made an observation about Luffy being super innocent and not having a full grasp of biology. We came to the conclusion that Ace, with a mixture of snark and ignorance, probably was responsible for what he knew about it. Here is the result of my thoughts. DISCLAIMER: One Piece and all its characters are the property of Eiichiro Oda.
1. Chapter 1

The silence of the forest was punctuated by the sound of Luffy chasing Ace through it. Ace, a thirteen year-old boy with a mischievous grin on his freckle dappled face, had a large chunk of meat still on the bone in his hand.

"Give it back, Ace! It's my breakfast! You already had yours!" shouted Luffy, a small, scrawny ten year old, trying to keep his too-large straw hat on as he tried to catch up to Ace. Ace, who was much taller and had longer legs, was putting up a fight in spite of Luffy's best efforts.

"You'll never ca-" Ace's retort was cut short by him tripping on a log in front of him. He managed to catch himself, but an overcorrection resulted in him sliding down the hill the log was concealing. At first, this seemed fine; the momentum was allowing him to stay well ahead of Luffy. His victory was cut short, however, by a large stone he was quickly heading straight for. Ace tried to slide further to the left, but it was too little too late. He ended up straddling the stone, the pain from the impact causing him to lose his grip on the bone the meat was attached to. Between the shock of the impact and the resulting pain between his legs, Ace couldn't even manage to cry out.

After a couple minutes, a very miffed Luffy finally caught up to Ace. "Where did you hide my breakfast, Ace?!" yelled Luffy.

"I don't know where it went to. Go find it yourself, if you want it so badly, and leave me alone," replied Ace through gritted teeth.

"Maybe I will. What's wrong with you, anyway? Why are you so angry; it's my breakfast you lost," said Luffy.

"What do you think happened, Luffy? My family jewels got crushed by this stupid rock!" Ace replied angrily.

Luffy's big brown eyes lit up with awe and curiosity. "You have jewels? Where are they? Are they safe?"

Ace was still in so much pain that he could only glare. "They're my family jewels. Every man has them between their legs, and mine just got crushed by a damn rock. I don't think they're too safe right now."

Luffy cocked his head, his eyes misting over in bewilderment. "Why would you keep them between your legs? Why wouldn't you put them in a box like a smart person?"

Ace, exasperated by the sheer interrogation he was experiencing over his anatomy, heaved a massive sigh. "Because if a man removes his family jewels, he'll die!" Ace growled.

Luffy nodded in understanding. "So why are a man's family jewels so delicate? Are they made of opals?"

Ace responded with the only response he could possibly think to give whenever Luffy wouldn't give up and he couldn't explain in a way to make Luffy understand. "It's a mystery, Luffy," Ace sighed. "Now help me up so we can find your breakfast."


	2. Cracked Voices and Chest Butts

The forest outside the tree house was a cacophony of two young boys shouting at each other. Luffy had gone chasing after a wild boar by himself; he was only a bit scraped and bruised, but it didn't stop Ace from worrying. The wound from seeing Sabo die while he stood helplessly on the shore had faded somewhat, but it still weighed heavily on his mind whenever Luffy got into trouble. He was the closest thing to a responsible adult, after all, and the big brother to boot.

"Luffy, I don't want to lose another brother. You are not invincible. What were you thi-" Ace's tirade was interrupted by a sudden crack of his voice, the pitch going an octave higher than the rest of his speech. Ace clamped a hand over his mouth, a mixture of surprise and embarrassment bringing a rush of blood to his cheeks, his freckles slightly obscured by the blush. Luffy, who wasn't really paying attention anyway, completely lost it. He started with a slight giggle and erupted into laughter, rolling on the ground outside the tree house and holding his stomach. Ace was already angry, but Luffy's laughter pushed him over the edge. He balled up a fist and smacked Luffy on the head, leaving a massive welt on the top of his head.

"Ouch! What'd you do that for?! You did that voice on purpose, so you don't get to hit me for it!" yelled Luffy, nursing the goose egg already forming.

"I didn't do it on purpose. It's been happening to me more often, and it's pissing me off," replied Ace, his teeth gritted together.

"So you didn't mean to do that?" Luffy started giggling again, but tried stifling it. It was still funny, but he already had one welt and didn't want another one.

"Laugh it up all you want, Luffy. It will happen to you, too!" shouted Ace.

That was enough for Luffy to stop laughing. "What do you mean?"

"If it's happening to me, it means it's probably going to happen to you. I think it may have something to do with becoming a man."

"What does your voice making funny noises have to do with becoming a man?" Luffy cocked his head, curiosity evident in his big brown eyes.

"Have you ever heard a man with a high voice? I bet my voice will get deeper like a man's."

"But _why_ is a man's voice deeper, Ace?" Luffy asked, his ten-year-old's inquisitive voice sounding almost like a whine in comparison to Ace's deepening voice.

"Maybe it attracts girls?" Ace shrugged. His guess was as good as any, but it seemed to him the most reasonable assumption. He noticed the women among the nearby Windmill Village seemed to act differently toward the mountain bandits and pirates with deeper voices than those with higher voices.

"What does a deep voice have to do with girls?" If Luffy's head could have cocked any further, his head would have been dangling near his chest. "Is this another one of your mysteries?"

Ace pinched his nose. "Yes, Luffy. It's a mystery."

"It sounds like growing up stinks. I wonder if girls have to deal with this." Luffy said, his head slumping slightly.

A smirk crossed Ace's face, his eyes dancing with mischief. "Girls deal with different things, from what I understand. Boys' voices change and girls get butts on their chests."

Clearly Luffy failed to notice Ace's mischievous expression, his eyes lighting up with unbridled curiosity at this new information. "Girls get a second butt?! Do they take a dump out of it? What do they use it for?" Luffy's questions spurted out at a Tommy gun's pace.

Ace grinned, trying to hold back giggling as he replied. "I don't know. I've never seen anything beyond the butt crack like you see on Dadan, but if I get the chance to find out, you'll be the first I tell. Now let's get you cleaned up so we can get the boar prepared for dinner tonight."


	3. Chapter 3

Ace stood by the river skipping rocks to pass the time. He bent down to pick up another rock when he heard a familiar woman's voice.

"Hello, Ace," said Makino, her voice huskier than usual. He looked up to see her in a gauzy sleeveless dress he had never seen her wear before. It left little to the imagination, hugging her in all the right places.

"Hi, Makino. Are you here for another lesson in manners?" asked Ace, watching her approach him in the forest, her hips swaying more so than usual.

"I was thinking of something a little more fun," she replied as she walked past him and into the river. Her hands went to the straps of her dress, the skin of her bare back almost seeming to sparkle in the sunlight. She turned around to look at him. "Are you coming, Ace?"

His name faded from Makino's name to someone far less desirable to hear at this point.

"ACE!" Luffy shouted. "We were going to go fishing this morning! You promised!"

Ace's eyes snapped open, seeing Luffy's face mere inches from his own. The next thing he noticed was an odd feeling below his stomach. It felt strange and wet. Ace's eyes widened in terror. _Did I wet the bed?_ He thought.

"Can you go and I'll catch up? I need to take care of something personal," explained Ace, hoping the urine didn't seep through his clothes and sheets to where Luffy would notice. Luffy merely cocked his head, clearly not understanding. _He hasn't noticed, _thought Ace with an inward sigh.

"But we always do everything together. What do you need to do that I can't be with you?" asked Luffy. He seemed devastated at the prospect of Ace doing something without him.

Ace's patience began to wear thin. "Do you really think I will be able to do everything with you for the rest of your life? There are some things we won't be able to do together," sighed Ace.

"But we're brothers, right? Don't brothers do everything together?" Luffy's eyes started to fill with tears. He didn't want to think that there would come a day before Ace left to sail the Grand Line where they wouldn't spend all their time together.

Ace sighed. He hated to see Luffy so upset, but at the same time he was really frustrated. The wet mess he was sitting in was really starting to get uncomfortable and he really hoped that he could get through to him. "Luffy, not even Dadan's bandits spend every moment together. Sometimes we need to take care of things on our own. This is one of those things. It doesn't mean I don't care about you any less; it just means you can't help me with this. Go on ahead and go to the lake; I'll catch up as soon as I'm finished. I promise," Ace explained, trying to mask his frustration as much as possible. He loved Luffy as his blood relatives, but sometimes he could be so irritating.

"You promise?" asked Luffy, sniffling. Ace nodded and Luffy went to grab his pole and hooks. Ace had never lied to him before and always stuck to his word, so he knew he would head to the lake as soon as he could.

Ace waited until he heard Luffy descend from the tree house and hit the grassy forest floor below. Ace surreptitiously looked out of the door to the balcony of the tree house, waiting to see Luffy retreat into the distance before he took care of the urgent matter in his bed.

As Ace walked back to his sleeping pallet, he noticed the blankets didn't seem to be wet. Ace was terribly confused; how could he have wet the bed without the blankets being wet? Ace shrugged. _At least I don't have to worry about cleaning up more of a mess,_ he thought.

Ace removed his shorts to clean himself and to change out of his soiled clothes. As he did so, he realized that whatever was causing his discomfort was decidedly...not urine. It wasn't like anything he had ever seen before. He thought back to his dream and wondered what that had to do with his current issue. He had noticed that strange things would happen to him if he saw a cute girl or boy or smelled something that reminded him of them. Maybe that had something to do with this.

Ace cleaned himself up as well as he could. Whatever this stuff was, it was hard to clean up. It seemed to cling to everything, and took way longer than he thought it would to get things cleaned up. As soon as he was done, he grabbed his pole and hooks and headed for the lake.

By the time Ace got there, Luffy had already caught one fish and was sitting with his toes dipped in the fresh, cool water. Ace cast his line and sat down next to Luffy. Neither one spoke to the other for what seemed like an eternity. Ace broke the silence. "Would you mind going into town or go fishing at least a couple times a week? I think I'll need a little more time to myself," asked Ace.

"A couple times a week?! Why do you need so much time to yourself?" asked Luffy incredulously.

Ace sighed for what seemed like the millionth time in the hour he'd been awake. "It's a mystery, Luffy."

Author's Note: I will be starting class next week, so I tried to make this a bit longer than I have previous chapters. I have a few ideas for future chapters in the works, but they probably won't be written or published until March. I promise I will make it worth the wait, though.


End file.
